October 3, 2015

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It wasn’t until this morning that I remembered this week is the anniversary of my grandmother’s death. I write this in awe because it is in this moment that I now connect the reason for the incredible shift that has taken place in my life within the last 24 hours. As soon as I made the connection I could feel her with me. I feel alive and bright and electric. And more than ever I feel peace within, a deep love inside that makes me want to weep. Taking the time to sit still I feel that she is with me and that somehow she has contributed to this recent shift.

My grandmother’s story is one of adventure, courage and invincibility. She never spoke of fear and lived her life committed to the experience of life and taking advantage of opportunities which fed her spirit and as she would say fed her brain. Never was she concerned with other’s opinions or observations of her life, she was her own teacher and held herself in high regard.

There are many times when I feel my life is unfolding and developing without my consent and the heaviness of fighting the present moment sneaks up and rears its ugly head.  I forget so easily that when I just go with the flow, doors open, miracles become clear and heaviness is replaced with transparency.  In these moments I do remember to ask for guidance and despite the numerous opportunities I face, my prayers are always answered and I am able to let go and let God once again.  I am lighter, more grateful and able to accept and embrace all that crosses my path.  I long to keep this feeling with me but am smart  enough to know that this feeling too shall pass.  Life will continue its ebb and flow and I shall follow my course accordingly.

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I Write Because…

I write because there is something therapeutic in letting raw emotion and thought pour through me on to paper.  It allows me to dump my brain of the never-ending chatter and sort through what is meaningful and meaningless.  Writing brings me to stillness and allows me to connect with others on a universal plane.  Writing  also allows me to connect with something greater than myself.

By sharing my writing with people I don’t know, I feel the energy of my words transcend the paper they are written on, finding their way to someone with a similar experience.  Writing, for me is about connection.

Writing allows me to release, explore, and connect on the deepest level possible.  Writing allows me the freedom to express any and all feelings without inhibition.  In my every day life I am not always able to express myself as freely depending on the circumstances.  I write because I am a truth seeker and desire to connect with those who are courageous enough to live beyond the daily mask of diplomacy.

I write because there is a quiet voice inside of me that wants to be heard.  As a former dancer that quiet voice would come to life through movement and communicate with its audience.  Writing gives me a very similar feeling.

Quote

A letter to my 14 year old self.

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/daily-prompt-8/”>From You to You</a>

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “From You to You.”

Dear Elisha,

It’s very funny that this opportunity has come my way as I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on our history together. I have been trying to identify the correlations between my present life experiences and the patterns and unconscious energy from my past which continue to show up in my present life.  In fact, just driving home this evening I realized that I missed my younger self.  I missed the part of me that eased through conflict and challenges with grace, almost unaffected and with the ability to let things go.  I also missed the tenacious spirit in me that never tired until the desired outcome was achieved.

In this moment I see that I have forgotten some important lessons which you at 14 had mastered.  Perhaps at 14 you were more mindful than I now realize?  Your quiet nature has always allowed you to be the observer of your surroundings and those within your space.  You lived with minimal fear and flowed with life as if everything was rigged in your favor.  You have so much power at 14, but not enough wisdom or life experience to fully wield it.

As you get older and grow into womanhood remember that in order to grow and fulfill your purpose the challenges and obstacles that cross your path will become more difficult.  Remember to feel the fear and move through it.  It’s exactly like when your standing in the wings before a dance performance feeling the butterflies, that small twinge of fear. Remember that once you’re onstage the butterflies are set free allowing you to shine and share your gift with those in your presence.  This is called being present or living in the moment.  In the present moment this is where you will come to know and feel the presence of God.  Continue to lean towards stillness. Maintain your quiet nature and demeanor but keep your wits about you.   When life’s lessons become more difficult it is in stillness and in listening to your intuition that you will be able to receive direction from God and be led in the right direction.

Most important remember that you will live an amazing life! It will not always look the way you want it to and things will definitely not always go your way but know this to be true, go with the flow, learn the lessons and come to understand that life is happening for you and in divine grace.  Know this and you will experience miracles and blessings in your life that exceed your most beautiful dreams.

I Love You!

Awareness of Thought

Much of what I read at the start of this journey to awareness led me to understand that my life is a reflection of my thoughts. It is said that just about 60,000 thoughts run through our minds in one day and many say the average is closer to 70,000.  This bit of information was key for me.  Following the flow of a “thought” enabled me to observe this cycle in whatever experience I was having at the time.  I became aware that my thoughts dictated my feelings. My feelings about a situation then created my actions. In turn my actions manifested my experience which supported my programming. The programmed mind is a long way away from mindfulness because it continually seeks out more thoughts to validate the experience or story.  It is the cycle that we all live with daily, invoking chaos or peace.  I, in the early stages was living inside in my mind and spinning like a hamster on a wheel, going nowhere.

Once I began to observe the thoughts running through my mind I also recognized how much power words have in my life.  Rhonda Byrne, author of The Secret says “Every word you speak has immense power, because it is a thought in action.”  My programmed mind was oftentimes speaking and acting from my mind instead of my heart. It’s easy to jump on the bandwagon with slogans and phrases that sound catchy without thinking about the energy or tone each word creates. I learned early on that what follows the words “I Am” sends a direct message to the universe and in return sends the energy of that declaration back to me. This we all know from experience. By declaring “I am always late”, then you are declaring this to be a fact and are summoning the energy of what it means to be “late” in your life.  Some of my biggest eye openers were the constant use of the following phrases:

I can’t wait until- Putting energy into the thought about the future instead of the present moment. Projecting that something in the future is better than what is occurring in the present moment and relying on the future to bring fulfillment. In these moments I was denying the present and the opportunity for growth.
It wasn’t meant to be-  This was a big one for me. I realized that I have used this phrase in my life as an excuse when something did not go the way I wanted it to. It became my crutch and allowed me to blame external forces in my life rather than take responsibility for the thoughts and feelings (energy) I brought into my experience. Many years ago, I was supposed to move to Philadelphia for graduate school. I auditioned for graduate school and was very excited about following my passion to become a dance therapist. While this was exciting to me, I also held many negative thoughts/feelings about my life at that time and was very fearful about making such a big life change. My living conditions were not the best, my position as a teacher had been cut, I was in the midst of a break up, my financial situation looked bleak and I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I was looking for an escape more than I was seeking opportunity. Suddenly, my financial aid was not approved and as a result, I was forced to deal with all of the drama that was happening in my life. Looking back now, I had many negative thoughts about myself, fear was prominent, and instead of looking for the lesson in that experience, looking to God for direction I simply gave up the dream saying it was not meant to be. There were no cosmic forces waving a wand over my life, my thoughts about the situation, about my life at that time, invited more challenging events to manifest. I welcomed a space in which disappointment could consistently be present.
Our words have energy, they can bring peaceful thoughts just as easily as they imprison the mind, they are our thoughts in action.  It can be difficult to change your thought patterns if there is no awareness or understanding of the words you use daily. Even in real estate, I have been trained to use scripts whenever dealing with certain situations. The words used summon positivity, position me as an expert and bring results. When I do things off the cuff as opposed to using my scripts, there is a significant difference. Choice of words will get you off the hamster wheel.

I learned quickly that affirmations and mantras are useful tools for changing thought patterns.  I love affirmations because it is an easy way to turn a negative to a positive. For example, when I am feeling tired, instead of dwelling on the fact that I am tired, I often say “I am tireless and full of energy” or “I am ready for my second wind”.  I tend to use mantras more in meditation and prayer, allowing the energy of the words to fill me up, then release into the universe.
“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu

The Beginning

The writings featured on this blog are a result of my quest for truth and a desire to live, walk and breathe in my faith.  This journey started four years ago in a hotel bar with some very great friends.  Prior to that evening I was living an unconscious lifestyle, believing the thoughts in my head to be my true self and carrying the weight of my ego with me every where I ventured.  One day I found myself in the midst of a major wake up call and I knew I needed to shift in another direction. Unsure of how to move forward I did the best I could with the resources available to me and that night at the hotel bar I decided that if I paid close attention to my life and the vision that I had for it, I could achieve a significant level of self transformation and also bear witness to it.

At the time my friends and I were all experiencing some sort of change in our lives that we either felt anxiety, fear or excitement about.  After much conversation and several glasses of wine, we had generated enough positive energy within ourselves to commit to witnessing our growth over the course of a year.

While this notion of paying attention to my life was my primary focus, it wasn’t until a month later that I learned what it meant to be present so that I could pay attention to my life.  I had literally stumbled upon A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle and something inside me stirred and I felt compelled to read it.  After reading the first chapter I knew this book would be a game changer for me.

This journey to awakening has been fruitful, emotionally exhaustive, exciting, self-sacrificing and hopeful.  I have come very far and have a very long way to go.  As I evolve and become more present in my life it is my hope that I encounter others on their journey and connect spirit to spirit with each soul I meet sharing and learning lessons that are divinely designed for me.