The First Five Years

I recently celebrated my fifth year of conscious living.  Five years of working on self-mastery and of living a life which is intentional, purposeful and awakened.  When I reflect  on the previous 5 years of this journey it appears that the years have been in alignment and consistent with the meaning of Angel Numbers. Today, it feels like my life has been completely turned upside down and inside out. Changes in my family structure, career and personal life leave me feeling like I have literally been chewed up and spit out left to disintegrate into nothingness.

The first year of this journey began with me being mindful of my thoughts, I knew my mindset and attitude were key to achieving mindfulness and opening up a space for intuition and spirit to enter.  The second year manifested many successes as a result of consistent mindfulness, meditation, visualization and prayer.  True to the meaning of the Angel number three, I spent the third year praying for guidance and assistance from various spiritual masters.  This was the year my grandmother experienced health issues and eventually returned to the Divine Source.  As a result of my grandmother’s death the fourth year was plagued with financial stress and emotional healing on many levels.  Looking back on that fourth year, I can’t say how I made it through but in hindsight I know that the angels including my grandmother were watching over me and getting me through that challenging time in my life. The number five symbolizes major life changes.  This year I have experienced extreme financial challenges and as a result, I am on the brink of a major career change and have also met and welcomed my long-lost sister into my life.

It has been said by many spiritual masters that the darkest moments of one’s life are stepping-stones to self renewal and growth. An opportunity to make better choices than you have made previously and to shed the weight of past burdens. When you surrender your life to the Divine plan and accept whatever consequences follow, life experiences truly test your will and desire for an awakened life.  In meeting my sister for the first time it was very clear to me that many of the burdens and obstacles we face are built into our DNA and can not be escaped.

I sometimes wonder how I’ve made it this far and have had my fair share of moments where I desired the comfort of ignorance to temporarily ease the growing pains I’ve endured these past few years. Somehow through it all my faith has remained constant and I have refused to yield to mediocrity while remaining focused on letting go of old patterns and habits.  There are always set backs and once I feel like “I’ve got this” another experience shows up with a much deeper level of understanding and healing.

Looking forward I pray the next 5 years of this journey leave room for hope and an opportunity for me to prove that I have learned valuable life lessons during these past years.  The most important lesson I have learned this year is that you have to make sacrifices and do the work required to transform your life.  All of the praying, visualizing, planning and dreaming about a new life does very little if you are unwilling to give 100% day in and day out and if you are unwilling to make a different choice.  When you are unwilling to forgive yourself and others you can rest assure that the path to a better you will be slow and unsteady. If you are not willing to express gratitude merely for the fact that you woke up today then you might as well join the other sleep walkers allowing ego to run their lives. Your spirit must be filled with tenacity, intention, transparency and a willingness to own your faults and mistakes.  These past years have shown me that I am only accountable to my journey and as a result I am a walking testimony of how your life can change when you ignore the path of least resistance for the path that God is always leading you to.





Staying Plugged In, Part I

The intention of this blog entry was meant to serve as a reflection of the first two months of the year however, the last 7 days and particularly today have been one of those moments when I’ve received what feels like a lifetime of knowledge, so much so that in this moment I couldn’t care less to learn anything else until this time next year. With no uncertainty a whirlwind of change is in my future.

The moment in which you realize your prayers have truly been answered can be one filled with both fear and gratitude. Truth suddenly appears and it doesn’t look like you pictured but you understand and accept it for it is. My focus this year has been on staying plugged in and continuing to learn and grow. Day after day, plagued with fatigue and in relentless pursuit to experience the fullness of my journey fear is ever present. I am fearful because truth shows that I have not learned a few lessons which I thought I overcame. What I thought was the light at the end of the tunnel was just an illusion, my ego saying “girl you’ve got this under control”.  Change or the onset of change almost always opens the door to fear.  Not knowing the outcome of a situation or the minute details of “how” leaves few choices.  You can either feel the fear and move forward, or allow fear to cripple you. Right now fear is showing up for me as anxiety, sleepless nights and at times anger.

I am also grateful because if it wasn’t for my focus, my commitment to using the resources available to me and to remaining faithful to spiritual practices, I could very well crumble.  The truth of the matter is, I have been praying for this moment.  I have surrendered all, my fears, desires and will.  I’ve been praying for renewal, to be used for my true purpose as guided by my creator at any cost. In a sense I’ve prayed for a true test of my faith, even though I know it means my world will be turned upside down.

The week began with a dharma talk on “No birth, no death” and discussion on “Loving your challenges”. There was discussion on spirit and if spirit lives forever. There were various opinions for consideration. Opinions from those who were simply curious and unable to articulate a solid response or belief, there were naysayers, and even a scientific perspective. The room was filled with wonder and eyes were glued on the Reverend as he responded to the many questions in the room. What I’ve learned to appreciate from attending these sessions is that the Reverend and or guest speaker never provide a clear “yes” or “no” response. The knowledge and teachings shared are purposeful and designed to meet you as the student where you are leaving it open for interpretation at your level or free to quench your thirst with additional exploration of the subject matter. In the midst of this discussion I had found comfort in my belief of no birth, no death of spirit when thinking of my grandmother. Although she is not here in form, I often ask for her guidance, courage, wisdom and spirit on a spiritual plane.

The very next morning, I found myself face to face with the lesson I thought I had learned. I had two choices, I could either love the challenge it presented or I could fall apart. I chose the former, and while semantically I do not “love” this current situation that has crossed my path, I do accept what it represents. There is still something for me to learn and although this experience is not pleasant for me and is creating anxiety, I know for certain that whatever the outcome I’m going to be just fine. There is something better for me on the other side of this journey but I must move through this situation to get to the glory! Any resistance on my part will only make matters worse. This experience is happening FOR me, not TO me.

To be continued…

The Beginning

The writings featured on this blog are a result of my quest for truth and a desire to live, walk and breathe in my faith.  This journey started four years ago in a hotel bar with some very great friends.  Prior to that evening I was living an unconscious lifestyle, believing the thoughts in my head to be my true self and carrying the weight of my ego with me every where I ventured.  One day I found myself in the midst of a major wake up call and I knew I needed to shift in another direction. Unsure of how to move forward I did the best I could with the resources available to me and that night at the hotel bar I decided that if I paid close attention to my life and the vision that I had for it, I could achieve a significant level of self transformation and also bear witness to it.

At the time my friends and I were all experiencing some sort of change in our lives that we either felt anxiety, fear or excitement about.  After much conversation and several glasses of wine, we had generated enough positive energy within ourselves to commit to witnessing our growth over the course of a year.

While this notion of paying attention to my life was my primary focus, it wasn’t until a month later that I learned what it meant to be present so that I could pay attention to my life.  I had literally stumbled upon A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle and something inside me stirred and I felt compelled to read it.  After reading the first chapter I knew this book would be a game changer for me.

This journey to awakening has been fruitful, emotionally exhaustive, exciting, self-sacrificing and hopeful.  I have come very far and have a very long way to go.  As I evolve and become more present in my life it is my hope that I encounter others on their journey and connect spirit to spirit with each soul I meet sharing and learning lessons that are divinely designed for me.